Creativity

You’re only proud of your creation’s success, because you want to be creative, but creation doesn’t happen through gimmicks, technology and distribution.

It doesn’t even happen through work.

Creativity is frankly adjacent to mental illness and overlaps with it substantially.
A lot of talented people killed themselves and all of them are miserable. The real gift is to be ungifted.

 – Rick and Morty S06E07

Lila

«And you know something else?»

«What?»

«I’m not going to answer any more of your questions.»

«Why not?»

«You’re the detective. That’s what you are. You think you’re going to learn something, I don’t know what, but you’re not going to learn anything… You’ll never find out who I am because I’m not anything.»

«What do you mean?»

«I’m not anybody. All these questions you’re asking are just a waste of time. I know you’re trying to find out what kind of a person I am but you’re never going to find out anything because there’s nothing to know. […] I used to play I was this kind of person and that kind of person but I got so tired of playing all those games. It’s such work and it doesn’t do any good. There’s just all these pictures of who I am and they don’t hold together. They’re all different people I’m supposed to be but none of them are me. I’m not anybody. I’m not here. Like you now. I can see you’ve got a lot of bad impressions about me in your mind. And you think that what’s in your mind is here talking to you but nobody’s here. You know what I mean? Nobody’s home. That’s Lila. Nobody’s home.»

«You know what?» Lila said.

«What.»

«What you want to do is make me into something I’m not. […] You’re trying to destroy me.»

«No.»

«Yes.»

«Well you’ve completely misunderstood what I’m asking these questions for» the Captain said.

«No, I haven’t. I’ve completely understood it just exactly right» Lila said. «All men do that. […] But you know something? It won’t work.»

«I’m not trying to destroy you,» he said.

«That’s what you think. You’re just playing around the edges, aren’t you! You can’t go to the center of me. You don’t know where the center of me is!»

That set him back.

«You’re not a woman. You don’t know. When men make love they’re really trying to destroy you. A woman’s got to be real quiet inside because if she shows a man anything they’ll try to kill it. But they all get fooled because there’s nothing to destroy but what’s in their own mind. And so they destroy that and then they hate what’s left and they call what’s left, ‘Lila,’ and they hate Lila. But Lila isn’t anybody. That’s true. You don’t believe it, but it’s true…»

«Women are very deep» Lila said. «But men never see it. They’re too selfish. They always want women to understand them. And that’s all they ever care about. That’s why they always have to try to destroy them.»

«I’m just asking questions» the Captain said.

«Fuck your questions! I’m whatever your questions turn me into. You don’t see that. It’s your questions that make me who I am. If you think I’m an angel then that’s what I am. If you think I’m a whore then that’s what I am. I’m whatever you think. And if you change your mind about me then I change too. So whatever Richard

tells you, it’s true. There’s no way he can lie about me.»

Lila: an inquiry into morals, by Robert M. Pirsig

A volte non dovresti ascoltarti

La paura uccide la mente. La paura è la piccola morte che porta all’annichilamento. Affronterò la mia paura. Farò che scivoli sopra di me, che passi attraverso me. E quando sarà passata, il mio occhio interiore scruterà il suo sentiero. Ma dov’è andata la paura non ci sarà nulla.

– Frank Herbert, 1965

Metti che hai un esame.
Hai paura di fallire. 
Sei ansioso.
Roba che ci dormi la notte. 

Che poi all’esame
ti ci prepari comunque.
Magari lo passi,
magari no. 

A che ti serve
travisare un’emozione
in un sentimento
inutile?

CANZONE DEL GIORNO: There There, by Radiohead

[ ]

«Quand’ero in Francia mi sono rotto tutto quanto e ho dovuto fare la chirurgia. Al dottore gliel’ho chiesto… Dottore, questo significa che non potrò ballare la prossima settimana?»
«perché…» Replica il dottore. «lei è un ballerino?»
«Ma no, Dottore!» Esclama lui. «Sono un omosessuale!»
E si mette ad agitare le braccia a tempo di musica.

(così come me l’hanno raccontata)

Dear Facebook

What’s on your mind, asks Facebook.

Since you’re asked, oh dear, I’m pissed off. Not because of the rona, not because of the world. The world is doing just fine. I’m pissed off because I opened my heart and again someone trashed it lightly. I don’t know if I should just learn to let it go, to give in to a dimmed life, dimmed emotions, or… I don’t even know what anymore.
Some people are lazy, some other just afraid. Maybe I should just stop being afraid myself and let go. Let go of giving too much of a shit, too much of a fuck. Learning, finally, that love is just another responsibility to be dealt with, as anything else. What a tragedy, what a waste.
I’m tired and it’s a tiredness that comes from deep inside. Yet, I know that I’m better than all of this, better than getting carried away by trivialities, better than begging for crumbles.
I’m better than this, yet sometimes I feel so little I’d rather disappear.
Everything is to lose. What an irony. I guess I was careless of the only thing that matter: myself.

Let go

«That kid, Guy, he has a spark. He is a pure account man.»

«And what is that job all about?»

«I don’t know. It’s about listening to people and never saying what’s really on your mind.»

«No. It’s about letting things go so you can get what you want.»

Mad Men S03E06